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User blog:Joeaikman/Recapping in Rap - Chapter 7 - Marvel Cinematic Universe
Hi there. It's been a while since the last one of these, so here is another. This is every film in the MCU recapped with an 8 line verse for each. No more, no less. God, Civil War was hard. For the sakes of equality a DCEU one will also be happening. If you have any other requests then leave them in the comments! Iron Man Tony Stark is a billionaire imprisoned by terrorist groups Stops bullets to his heart and then dons his iron suit! Tony chooses to be different! Stane starts his coup! Then gets blown to tiny pieces as MCU bad guys do! There’s a whole host of other characters! Pepper is hot! With a top notch bod, though her head stays out the box! Rhodie is around! Of course Coulson wouldn’t miss this! Then Samuel L Fury brings up the Avengers Initiative! 'The Incredible Hulk' Bruce Banner is a man who has his manner affected! By scientific testing and protocols being neglected! He transforms from anger and beats things to a pulp! Mr Green kicking shit off as The Incredible Hulk! He don’t like his powers, though! He wants a cure! Thunderbolt Ross wants to use him for the war! Transform a lieutenant to a baddie! Beat him down! Get approached by Stark when he’s run out of town! 'Iron Man 2: Electric Whip Boogaloo' Iron Man 2 time! Stark has gone public with his heroics! He’s slowly dying, though, but not everybody knows it! Rhodie looks different! Fight him on Stark’s birthday! Until a Russian shows up and whips Stark into shape! Stark versus Rhodie! Wait, it’s happening again?! They come together to take down the Russian as best friends! A new femme fatale! Introducing ScarJo as Widow! Then Pepper and Tony get it on! This is for kids, though. 'Thor' Thor’s force causes awe, but ends with him in exile! It ends with Thor and Jane screwing! Doing it god style! Odin imparts knowledge, and Loki gets Vader shocked! Back on Earth, It’s Hammer Time! Oh wait, it’s not?!? Destroy the Destroyer! Back to Asgard! Jane, he’ll miss you! Loki goes ahead and exacerbates his daddy issues! Final battle with the trickster! It’s Hammer Time now, bitch! Reconcile with your father after you destroy the bridge! 'Captain America' Back in the War! Steve Rogers gets enlisted as a soldier! Takes the serum offered to him and becomes Cap America! Gets close with Peggy Carter, and begins their romance! But got to risk your life for Bucky! Gotta save that bromance! Team up with Daddy Stark to fight Nazis! It ain’t dull! Then capture Zola to find info on the Tesseract and Red Skull! Schmidt gets wiped out, and Steve wakes up in the future! Gets approached by Fury to become the First Avenger! 'Avengers Assembled' There’s a team up on the cards! Loki’s back up to his tricks! Thor tries to save him, and then Hulk loses his shit on the ship! Gotta work together! They’re separate until Loki kills Phil! Recruit Clint for the final battle! Beating Chitauri at will! Missile heads for the tower, until Stark directs it onwards! Hulk makes sure Loki won’t rule on as a conqueror! The Avengers Assembled! Evildoers better be warned! (uh!) Then they all go out to get stuffed on shawarma! 'Iron Man 3' Tony is pushing Pepper away with all his Iron Mannequins! Until he gets distracted by the actions of Mohatma Mandarin! They think he’s dead! He befriends a young boy who is clever! So Tony goes and confronts the terrorist! My name is Trevor! Killian is the true enemy! He takes the President and Pepper! Then Rhodie rolls in and helps Tony take down Extremis better! Everything ends well, as Pepper helps to leave Killian crying, man! Tony undergoes his operation! He’s always going to be Iron Man! 'Thor: The Shit World' More Thor! Jane abducted and Aether appears inside her! Take her to Asgard to find that Odin doesn’t approve either! War with Elves! Not Elrond, but Christopher Eccleston obsessed! Plays multiplayer Portal with Thor, and then winds up dead! There’s more Loki for the fans! He’s their new go-to villain! Until he fights with the elves and they go ahead and kill him! Just kidding! He’s back! Disguised as Odin sat upon the throne! As Thor and Jane go to Earth to knock their boots at home! 'Captain America: The Winter Soldier' Cap and Widow team up again, to steal documents for Sam! Then Fury gets shot by a winter soldier! Motherfucker! Damn! He isn’t really dead though! I’m spotting a theme forming... Confront Zola supercomputer! Hydra still exists! That’s important Pierce is the enemy! A secret under cover operative! Until Cap and Fury take him down! Grillo is ominous! Throughout all of this film, there’s one thing that really bugs me! Why is Sebastian Stan playing the villain? Holy shit! It’s Bucky! 'Guardians of the Galaxy' There’s war in the stars, but this has less Vader and more cancer! Characters at each other’s throats! Avengers team-up is the answer! Star-Lord at their head, as he’s the only who can pilot their ship! Whilst Drax is only here to prove that Ronan is a massive dick! They bond more over time! Got to protect the Infinity Stone! Helpful father figure? Get self-hating, blue Merle on the phone! Then beat Ronan! As a team! That sort of message was implied! Thanos looks pissed off! Spacehopping Treebeard went and died! 'The Avengerz: Age of Ultron' We’re off to Russia! Well, or some nameless Eastern equivalent! Introduced to mutants! Fox own those rights? Fucking brilliant! Scarlet has genetically engineered magic! Quicksilver sees you later! Then team up with the Avengers to take down JARVIS Terminator! Stark is to blame! It’s his protocol gone madcap far away from home! Let’s have another go! Power him up with an Infinity Stone! Still got to defeat Ultron! Vision just goes ahead and blasts it! Marvel can’t compete with Fox, so Quicksilver has his ass kicked! 'Ant-Man' Scott Lang is a well meaning criminal! An Anti-hero? Maybe! He meets up with van Dyne and Hopes to have her babies! Hank Pym gets Crossed! Scott is caring for his kid! Falcon cameo! Hope and Scott find out what her mum did! Final fight with Cross! Make it macroscopic! Woah! Scott goes like Hank’s wife! He doesn’t die though, bro! He lives on to explain how this film fits into the universe! We get an insect themed heroine! Eh, ScarJo did it first! 'Captain America: Civil War' Rogers versus Stark! Politics! Unlike Star Wars this aint a bore! Just concentrate on present characters and forget Hulk and Thor! T’Chaka gets whacked! Black Panther T’Challa vows revenge! Bucky and Steve bromance back, but Bucky goes evil again! Airport fight! Peter Parker! Wayward Vision blow ‘lyzes Rhodie! Stark fights Cap and Barnes! Rogers beats him! Come on, Tony… Panther stops Zemo suicide! Stark gives a techy gift to Pete! Cap’s one and only beauty Bucky goes into a Futurama sleep! 'Doctor Sherlock' Arrogant doctor has a crash! His hands don’t stop shakin’! Quakin’ and hatin’ himself for the accident that made him! Potential cure found, so goes on a special one man mission! To master magic from Mordo, Wong and Dumbledore Swinton! Fighting religious zealot Hannibal! Oh, did I mention!? The cinematographers clearly took insparation from Inception! Swinton dies! Wong dies! Set up time loop in dark dimension! (DORMMAMU!) He just dies repeatedly until villain’s voluntary ejection! 'Rise of the Guardians of the Galaxy: Volume 2' Peter Quill trawls the galaxy having a crisis of fatherhood! Gamora takes sister prisoner! Should she kill her? Father would! Instead they bond as Peter goes to discover Daddy Planet! And Celestial powers! Yondu’s position as captain is ravaged! Drax and Mantis grow close! All the characters form bonds! Nebula leaves the group to show daddy the might of Amy Pond! Ego proves a fitting name! He sees his son seal his fall! Yondu gives his life for Peter’s! I’m Mary Poppins, y’all! 'Spider-Man's Home Cumming' Peter Parker’s back on screen! Still played by a Brit! This story wants to focus on how he is more a Spider-Kid! There’s no Goblin or MJ, but a Batman Vulture human foe! Who really wants the best for his family by getting more dough! Peter gets supervised by Uncle Benned up Tony Stark! Ned helps him out! Liz goes to Homecoming with Parks! She’s Vulture’s daughter! Boy,.was that a shocking twist! Pete beats Vulture! Zendaya is actually MJ, bitch! Thor: Ragnarok Ragnarok begins with fire demons, Galadriel and fighting! (lots of fighting…) Emotion comes through when Odin passes on in the land of the vikings! Thor on Sakaar! Recruits the Hulk and Valkyrie as his helpers! Whilst Galadriel gets Hella fighting in with Heimdall Idris Elba! Team up with Loki? Betrayal because these bros are predictable! Thor and Val flirt! What about Jane?! Odin gets some more visuals! Fire demon back and Galadriel gets burned in the extreme! Thor back to Earth as Asgard’s destruction gets obscene! Category:Blog posts